Softest Death
The Secret Chinchilla RPG

Every form of animal life has intelligence comparable to humanity, a secret known to only a hundred or so humans around the globe. There are secret nations of animals hiding in every forest, every suburban golf course, every zoo, every pet store.

The relationship between ignorant humans and varied animals is complex, but We Are Chinchilla, and our place in the world is clear. Animals come to Chinchilla when a human must be taught a lesson: Humiliated. Ruined. Terrified. Killed.

For centuries, our fur has been prized by the target. Ninety percent of our global population has been slaughtered for this prize. Many of our last surviving people are bred in captivity, warmed by humans, fed by humans … only to be slain, skinned, and sewn together as a hat. We are the instruments of justice and wisdom, not only for Chinchilla, but for all. Even when we are not sewn together as a hat, we are one. We speak these words together:

We are Chinchilla
Born with eyes open
We are Chinchilla
Our Goddess is Seywa
We bathe and we writhe in the dust of volcanoes
We cut our long teeth on the bones of our victims
We lose our sharp minds in the depths of the cosmos
We find ourselves again
Character Creation

Origin: Your Chinchilla may be a wild Chinchilla from the secret assassin conclaves of the Andes, or a domestic Chinchilla bred for fur and then escaped into the hidden herd-holes of the cities. You might even be a human’s pet (Do you love your humans, or secretly despise them?)

Coloration: Your Chinchilla may have any colors or patterns, but every Chinchilla’s fur has meaning. Describe your beloved fur, and what it speaks about you to every other Chinchilla. Does your fur describe you as fierce? Thoughtful? Poetic? Sensual? Coldhearted? Insane? A Chinchilla’s heart holds many fragile secrets, but cannot hide what the fur reveals. We all read the fur; the fur does not lie.

Specialties: Whether by agents who visit us in our cages, elders in our herd-holes, or by the Mountain Ancients, every Chinchilla is trained in a variety of skills essential to intrusion, espionage, sabotage and murder. Specify two Specialties where you excel. These can be anything the Game Master approves of, but some of the classics:

Athletics: All Chinchilla are extremely agile and outrageously good leapers (600% of body-length without even trying), but you’re something well beyond that, a true marvel of athleticism.

Trickery: You are especially adept at fooling other creatures, manipulating them against the evidence of their senses and the knowledge of their experience.

Humanity: You’re extra-good at understanding humans, figuring out how to work human equipment, predict human movement, hack into human banking systems, etc.

Stealth: You have mastered the arts of being unheard, unseen, and even undetected by technology.

Tooth and Claw: Typically, Chinchilla slay humans with humanity’s own instruments, but sometimes you must simply claw them to death, and sadly, many humans have defenders from within the animal nations. And sometimes, cats are just assholes.

Teamwork: You’re especially good at cooperative activities with your fellow Chinchilla (it takes at least three, for example, to successfully operate a mid-sized sedan, and often at least two to open human-scaled doors).

Cosmic Slide: Any Chinchilla may, with a moment of quiet meditation, let the mind fly open to the wild cosmos, to seek unknown truths and insights in a fit of convulsive trippery. Those specialized in it may do so more easily, more quickly, and with greater result and easier “re-entry” into normal perspective.

Seduction: The number of humans with Chinchilla fetishes is upsetting, but when it’s time to deliver justice, their delight is their doom.

The Mission
Each mission begins with the Entreaty, where a member of the animal nations approaches a Chinchilla Herd to ask for justice against a human being (a rabbit seeking deadly revenge for his brother, an Elephant, stealthily escaped from a Zoo, to complain about his feeders’ awful taste in music). If the Herd Monarch declares it worthy, then the Entreaty becomes the mission.

The mission always includes one or more targets, one or more lessons (sometimes as simple as death, sometimes something subtler) and the need for secrecy and misdirection (it must never be plain that Chinchilla are the source of the justice).

The lesson ends with the Report, delivered to the Herd Monarch, and to the animal who made the Entreaty. This provides closure and reflection.
Game Rules

Each player begins each session with six tokens called Seywa, named for the Chinchilla Goddess, and as many six-sided dice as they care to bring. In general, PCs can achieve what trained assassin Chinchilla might obviously achieve without resort to die-rolls. The GM might also declare some actions absolutely impossible (no Chinchilla has punched a cow in half since 1633, and that one had special help). 

In the event of dramatic uncertainty, roll some dice at the problem. The GM will set a difficulty from 2 (easy) to 6 (tough), and you, on behalf of your Chinchilla, can roll any number of dice you imagine are sufficient (more is riskier, but more potent). If even a single die matches or exceeds the difficulty, you’ve generated enough impact to succeed!

The catch: every die that rolls lower than the difficulty generates a flaw. Flaws matter whether you succeed or fail, and enough flaws can undo a success. A single flaw is a petty inconvenience in terms of speed, quality, safety, noise, etc … something you have to deal with, but nothing too bad as long as you weren’t juggling nitroglycerine or trying to argue about religion. Two flaws are enough to make a success painfully costly and a failure deeply embarrassing. Three flaws are enough to render a success a failure. Four or more might turn things entirely against you.

You can spend Seywa to absorb flaws, one-for-one.

You can give Seywa away to your teammates, if you can describe what this represents in terms of character teamwork (even if it’s just shouting “Look out! PENGUIN!”)

If you have a relevant Specialty, spending one Seywa counts as spending three.

In times of rest and recuperation (access to fresh food, a nice dust-bath, a bit of sleep, etc) players may restore a single Seywa token each. Between adventures, all Seywa is restored.

 

Heat: Chinchilla cannot perspire, and are prone to heat-stroke if not allowed to cool themselves.
Water: Chinchilla have a strong emotional aversion to being splashed or submerged; water can cause their beautiful soft fur to fall out.