Dire Familiars
A game of magical creatures, wizards, and petty squabbling, for 2-5 young people.

Elevator Pitch 
An apprentice wizard isn’t allowed to have familiars - these magical helpers are too clever and powerful for a mage-in-training to control. But a magical apprenticeship is hard, and familiars are so easy to acquire. Can one really hurt? Or two? And if you had three, you’d never have to study again...

The World We Live In
In this game you’ll begin with a single shared character - the apprentice wizard. You will create her as a group and she doesn’t belong to any one player - you’ll all play her at various times, individually and collectively.

Your apprentice wizard lives in your town - she even goes to your school! She knows everyone you do. She has the same teachers and shops in the same stores. She might even know you! Magic is very secret though, and non-wizards must never find out. Her master is an old wizard who lives in your town, too. 

For now just keep in mind that you and your friends share this wizard’s apprentice, and you’ll share other characters as well. 

Making The Apprentice
The most important thing to remember about your apprentice is that she is useless. She knows little magic, she has few skills, she’s lazy and disobedient. Just like you! In these rules our apprentice is she, but could just as easily be he - or anything in between. 

Answer these questions together:

What is your apprentice’s given name?
•	Inez
•	Clover
•	Morgan
•	Magnus
•	Chris
•	Todd

What is your apprentice’s family name?
•	Peach
•	García
•	Grubb
•	Chow
•	Wheeler
•	Castleberry

Write your apprentice’s name across the top of an index card. 

Why is she in training to become a wizard?
•	Family of wizards
•	Her master is also her uncle
•	She was whisked away at birth
•	Her parents have money
•	Something about a prophecy
•	Other option: Military academy

Who is your apprentice’s master?
•	Filwin Hjortsberg
•	Erasmus Browne
•	Mezmo the Great
•	Euphemia Whipple
•	Éliás Szilágy 
•	Bridget Maggs

What does your apprentice’s master call her?
•	Hopeless
•	Nit
•	Fool
•	Toadstool
•	Dunce
•	Feckless Child

Write these facts below her name on the index card. 

What is the one thing she's good at?
•	She’s clever. 
•	She’s athletic. 
•	She’s charming. 
•	She’s gifted (magic comes easily to her)
•	She’s connected (Her family is powerful)
•	She’s devious. 

Write these things on your index card. Put a 2 next to whatever your apprentice is good at. Put a 1 next to everything else.

Now that you know more about your apprentice, decide what she looks like, whether she has any siblings, where she lives, and what grade she's in. Let everybody really get to know her. 

Magic
Your apprentice has a lot to learn. Her master will assign lessons, and they will be challenging and dangerous. If she fails, the master can punish her or kick her out! If she’s caught by regular people, that is extra bad. The stakes are high and, as previously noted, she’s not a star student. 

Learning a spell is easy once a set of components have been gathered (which is, of course, often an adventure itself!). 

Casting a spell relies on innate skill to work. When your apprentice casts a spell, describe her approach - is she relying on memorization? Is she exerting herself? In other words, is she being Clever, Athletic, Charming, Gifted, Connected, or Devious?

Here are some lessons her master might assign:

A Forbidden Spell

Elicio Familiaris
Your master didn't teach you this spell! You learned it on your own by sneaking peeks in forbidden grimoires. It is for more advanced students, for it calls forth spirits that a mere apprentice does not have the power or experience to handle safely. That said, if you want to get through your apprenticeship, you had better use it. 

Requirements: None, really. 

Simple Spells

Vox Beastarium
The birds of the air and beasts of the field are friends to the wise wizard. Speak to an unhappy animal, find out what troubles it, and set the matter right. A familiar is not technically an animal. 

Requirements: A silver necklace, a megaphone, and the application of a temporary tattoo.

Pario Ignis
Crafting fireballs is child’s play to the competent wizard. One must be skilled in the art of flame magic to even be considered a wizard. Demonstrate your ability in a public place, without drawing attention to yourself, and separately use your Pario Ignis skills to cool a wayward flame.

Requirements: A large drum of of gasoline, a red wax candle as tall and thick as your arm and a dead bat.

Unblinking Wisdom of Andromalius
Wizards must know how to find that which is hidden or lost. First, find something or someone that has been lost for many years and return it to its rightful home. Then, locate a buried treasure and ensure that a deserving person “discovers” it. 

Requirements: A glass eye, 76 fountain pens and a really large loaf of bread.

Woodbine’s Insouciant Compass
A fearless wizard views supernatural creatures with curiosity, not terror. Find such a deadly wonder and befriend it. A familiar does not count but a vampire, griffon or qupquigiak would.

Requirements: A nice brass compass, a drop of blood from your one of your parents, and a bear’s claw (or a bearclaw, if you have a nice pastry shop in town).

More Difficult Spells

Lesser and Greater Sycophantor
A true wizard can wave a hand and change a mind. Convince your teacher to change your failing grade in Algebra to an A, then convince the Principal of your school to change it back.

Requirements: A hand-made object more than 500 years old, a live salamander, and fingernail clippings from the people you are to manipulate.

Umbra of the Fell Witches
Shadows are a wizard’s eternal companions. Cause darkness to cloak the world at noon. in the few minutes of inverted light, find the Fell Witches and answer their riddle.

Requirements: Charcoal from a boat that has burned and a blind person or animal wearing a heavy black cloak and singing your favorite song in a snowstorm.

The Dreadful Curse of Gwern the Younger
A wizard does not suffer fools gladly, and their wrath is terrible to behold. Curse a deserving target - be absolutely certain they deserve it - and remove the curse after they have suffered for their mendacity and turpitude.

Requirements: A hair from a dog that has betrayed its master, a liter of whiskey, and a crown made of obsidian.

Mezmo’s Molaris 
The Molaris provides a prudent wizard with protection from harmful magic. Create one for yourself, keep it in your pocket, and go retrieve an enchanted skull that the evil sorceress Justine Applebaum has stolen from your master. The skull’s name is Barbara.

Requirements: A ring of stone you can stick your hand through and a cassette tape of Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams 1978 hit “Too Much, Too Little, Too Late”.

You can see how these spells work, so go ahead and make up your own as well!

The Boring Mundane World
Like magic, just getting by day to day relies on innate skill. When your apprentice tries to get away with something, or accomplish a difficult task, you describe her approach - is she relying on rote memorization? Is she exerting herself? Does it require social graces or perhaps delicate deception? In other words, is she being Clever, Athletic, Charming, Connected, or Devious? Unless she’s also using magic, it won’t be Gifted. 

Here are some situations and related challenges your apprentice might find herself in:

At School
•	A major test
•	Election for some office - club leader? Class President?
•	Drama between cliques
•	A bully appears
•	A teacher decides (correctly?) the apprentice is a bad apple
•	Somebody knows the apprentice is magical

Away From School
•	Drama with parents
•	The Prom or some other huge social engagement
•	Drama with friends
•	Relatives arrive unannounced
•	A big trip to someplace exciting
•	Somebody knows the apprentice is magical

The list of situations is endless. What sort of dumb things are going on in your life? News flash - the same dumb things are going on in her life!

Doing Things
As a group, think up fun things for the apprentice wizard to do. Social stuff, like shopping with her friends, or school stuff, like shirking in gym class, or wizard stuff, like getting assigned an impossible new spell to learn and cast. 

When your apprentice finds herself in some situation where the outcome is uncertain, figure out which approach she is taking and then roll a single six-sided die. It doesn’t matter who rolls it; take turns.

•	If the result is a one, no matter what it is a smashing success!
•	If it is equal to or lower than her score, it is a success, but there will be a cost as well. 
•	If it is over her score or a six it is a failure, and bad things are going to follow!

Whoa, That Sucks
It sure does. If you run the numbers your poor apprentice has five ones and a single miserable two! How can she ever expect to succeed at anything? 

The answer to that is simple, and it is one you’ve probably thought of already - she needs to cheat, and the way to cheat is to have some familiars around.

Familiars
A familiar is a magical being that takes the form of a common animal. Cats, crow, dogs and frogs are the most common.  They come in all shapes and sizes, and each will be adept at something useful while having the potential (certainty, really) to cause trouble in some other aspect of life. There’s no limit to the number of familiars you can summon and have on hand, provided you can keep them all happy.

As the game progresses, your apprentice will find herself in situations where calling up a familiar will be extremely helpful. Once a familiar is created, anyone can play it. It’s likely that particular players will be fond of particular familiars and gravitate toward playing them when they appear, and that’s fine. It is important to remember that anyone can play anyone, though. Hold ownership loosely and collectively.
Your apprentice can cast Elicio Familiaris at any time. Casting the spell is going to prompt a roll, of course. 

•	On a smashing success, she can name a known familiar to attend her or summon a new one that meets her specifications.
•	On a regular old success, one of the familiars she knows will show up. If she doesn’t know any, she can summon a new one that meets her specifications.
•	On a failure, a random and unhelpful familiar will show up and cause trouble.

A helpful familiar adds its score in a particular approach to that of the wizard it is assisting. So a wizard with a 1 in the Devious approach, helped out by a familiar with a Devious of 2, is rolling against a 3. W when you get multiple familiars cooperating, the sky's the limit - remembering, of course, that a 6 is always a failure. 

Making Familiars
The most important thing to remember about your familiars is that they are useless at all but one thing. They are obligated to help the wizard who summons them, but they are intelligent beings with their own feelings and interests. When you make a familiar, answer these questions together:

What animal form does it take?
•	Dog
•	Cat
•	Frog
•	Crow
•	Fly
•	Rat

What is its name?
•	Tom Reid
•	Greedigut
•	Vinegar Tom
•	Pyewacket
•	Illemauzer
•	Sack

And, of course, you can make up your own.

What is its talent?
•	Clever+2
•	Athletic+2
•	Charming+2
•	Gifted+2
•	Connected+2
•	Devious+2

Describe how a familiar does not look exactly like a normal animal of its type. For example, a Clever cat might be all black, with eyeglass-shaped markings around the eyes.

What does it Desire? (This should always be random, or at least a surprise)
•	Attention and Affection
•	Food and Drink
•	Danger and intrigue
•	Fun and excitement
•	Revenge on the master 
•	Something specific and odd

A familiar’s Desire must be satisfied or it will start causing mischief. Whatever it wants it wants a lot of, and all the time. No familiar will leave until its desire has been met. Conversely, a familiar whose desire is constantly sated will be a happy and loyal companion. 

Random Unhelpful Familiars
On a botched Elicio Familiaris roll, your apprentice may end up with a really lousy and persistent familiar. It’s fun to roll one up randomly.

What animal form does it take?
•	Skunk
•	Snake
•	Monkey
•	Spider
•	Pigeon
•	Human

What is its name?
•	Grizzell
•	Sugar
•	Jarmara
•	Holt
•	Trullibub
•	Mr.Newes

What is its talent?
•	Making a huge mess (and +1 Clever when intrigued)
•	Tattling to the master (and +1 Devious if you tell it a secret)
•	Attracting attention (and +1 Athletic when stoked)
•	Working dark magic (and +1 Gifted when motivated)
•	Boasting (and +1 Charming when flattered)
•	Everything +3, but it charges a very high price for its assistance, like “Your little brother”.

What does it Desire?
•	Blood
•	Pain
•	Fear
•	Silent movies
•	Evil deeds
•	Forbidden knowledge

Playing Familiars
Once familiars have entered the game, you should definitely play them. Helpful familiars should be silly and fun, always causing trouble but helping the apprentice out where they can. Unhelpful familiars can be mean-spirited and even evil. Regardless, as a familiar do your best to get the apprentice to satisfy your desire and get herself in trouble. A familiar will ordinarily perform one useful or semi-useful task and, if their desire is met, then vanish. 

Since the apprentice isn’t supposed to have any familiars, they must be hidden from the master - and probably her parents as well in the case of snakes and flies.